Smile

There’s an ancient photo of me from my young teen years. Away somewhere in the countryside, looking relaxed. Beaming a very open and happy Smile.

Thing is, during those years I know I was pretty miserable. Mainly because of the bullying that went on at my first senior school. I used to play truant in the afternoons and head off down to the local nature reserve. One day, early in my fourth year, I decided to leave that school and never go back. It was a new beginning.

When I look back at that teenage smile it certainly revealed the truth of a particular, precious, life affirming moment. Hopefully we can all find those moments, fleeting as they might be at the time, in the midst of any experience.

But it also hid an opposing and underlying truth. I was depressed.

In my adult years I’ve come a long way in dealing with the sadness that got its grip upon me in those early years. But I’m still very aware of its presence sometimes, peeping over the parapet of my conscious mind, particularly when I see conflict out there in the world at large, like an echo of the un-winnable conflicts I experienced at school.

But there can be a strange comfort in feeling sad. Like an old and familiar friend. However this particular friend is not welcome in my life anymore. They became a way of escaping, and hiding from, and failing to live, the fuller, more fundamentally joyful experiences, that were always available.

These days I’m of a mind to let go of the sadness when it surfaces. It doesn’t provide any practical help at all. And it is very possible, I am slowly discovering, to look at the world, see what’s going on, see when things are wrong, and not automatically sink back into the old, comforting quagmire of despondency.

The good news, for me at least, is that I’m learning to smile on the inside as well as on the outside. Hallelujah! :-)


Discover Fee Getting Knocked Out By A Smile