My Way Of Hiding

But what is this “Gunk” I was talking about yesterday?

It’s culture. It’s expectations. It’s the person I don’t like who is guarding the door to the building I need to be in. It is social media. It’s learning a new technique. It’s the organisations, like Facebook or Google or Apple or Take Your Pick, that seem to hold so much of the power in the world we are walking through.

Mostly though, it is in the eye of the beholder. My “Gunk” might be simply be “The Path” to you. And vice versa.

But the “Gunk” produced by culture, and organisations and systems isn’t personal. We just make it so through a particular mindset.

We make a religion of our ideas (which may well be wonderful in themselves) and the ideals they lead to, and it becomes “Idealism”.

And that can prevent us from moving at all and undoubtedly is very personal. It’s my way of avoiding action. A way of hiding from tomorrow. From Walking Through The Gunk.

Too often for comfort, it’s My Way Of Hiding.

Walking Through Gunk

Sometimes you’ve got to walk through gunk to get to the place you want to be.

It’s unavoidable really. We either stay in our perfect world, looking down on everybody else getting to where they need to be by walking through gunk.

Or we get moving, and join in.

In fact Walking Through Gunk might be the only way to make a less gunky world. In other words, we all have to compromise.

It’s messy out there.

Clunk Click

Clunk Click every trip.

You’ll remember that line from the “Drive Safely” government sponsored advert if you’re from the UK and of a certain vintage. And you’ll probably remember it because of the footage of people crashing and being badly hurt in car accidents. It was a successful scare tactic to get us to put our seat belts on in the car, in the days when it was common for people not to do so.

And you’ll also remember it because of the rhyme. In fact, if anything the rhyme is more memorable.

So if you want ‘em to singalong
To your song
Make it rhyme.
It’s not a crime.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you turn a blog about rhyming into a car crash.

Only The Route

The Bus Drivers.

They repeat the same journey everyday.

It makes some of them smile, and it makes some of them frown.

And maybe, for some of them, the journey is the same every day.

For some of them it’s Only The Route that is repeated.

Everything’s Just Fine

Here is this month’s Fee Comes Fourth song Everything’s Just Fine. It’s a song of hope and reassurance, I hope, for people who are in the kind of very dark place I found myself as a young adult.

Everything’s Just Fine

Happy Ever After, Never ending laughter
The stories we tell to stay alive
An it’s a funny ending, but it’s still an ending
The one in which they all survive

And it’s alright
Including the fears
Everything I mean
Yeah everything’s just fine
Oh what a sight
This vale of tears
We live it on the edge
And everything’s just fine

You don’t need to find an escape
When the darkness overcomes you
And when we bleed, it’s not all over
Yes we have the power, We have the power
To change our minds
And everything,  everything’s just fine

Happy Ever After,  Never ending laughter
It’s a perfect fairytale, but it’s not life
This rule is not for bending 
There will always be an ending
So don’t let today pass you by

And it’s alright
Including the fears
Everything I mean
Yeah everything’s just fine
Oh what a sight
This vale of tears
We live it on the edge
And everything’s just fine

Happy Ever After,  Never ending laughter
It’s a perfect fairytale, but it’s not life
This rule is not for bending 
There will always be an ending
So don’t let today pass you by

You don’t need to find an escape
When the darkness overcomes you
And when we bleed, it’s not all over
Yes we have the power, We have the power
To change our minds
And everything,  everything’s just fine

Everybody’s Got One

I’ve read a couple of entertainment autobiographies recently. Both about comedians - Rob Brydon and Paul O’Grady - and both very different.

But the one thing both men had in common was the sheer tenacity they demonstrated in pushing through the hurdles they faced. None of these hurdles were insurmountable in themselves. But piled up one after another for years on end, it is remarkable how they managed to achieve such successful careers.

It’s easy, watching from our armchairs, to be sniffy about anybody who “reaches the top”. It all looks so easy after it’s happened. “I could do that”. Well maybe not THAT, but my version of it.

But it’s not at all easy. I know that I couldn’t do what they did. And, of course, I was never meant to.

It’s good to hear the story though. Everybody’s Got One. It helps to make some sense of the outcomes, and to put it all into perspective. Not just for the STARS, but for each of us.

But it’s also useful to look at some versions of what we call “success”, and consider whether it is really THAT kind of success which we are seeking.

Our Lives

There is comfort to be found in knowing that someone has experienced the thing we have experienced, particularly when it comes to any experience of suffering we have had.

Our suffering become less painful when we share the experience.

And if suffering can be shared, then why not ecstasy, joy, peace, and amazement. That too is possible.

We can share all of this through music and song.

Sometimes it is necessary simply to survive, and to help those we love to survive. Those songs are sad. But the tears can open up our lungs again, and help us breathe, when it felt like there was little air left to breathe.

And at the other end of the tunnel, there is joy. Like an oxygen explosion in the brain. A possibility. The universe opening up. And the longing for everybody…and more specifically the people we know and love….to see and experience at least the possibility…of unending possibilities. Songs of celebration. And beyond.

All of this is on the continuum of life. Of Our Lives. This. Now. Whether we see it or not. Often we don’t.

I wish you less suffering and the songs to help you cry.

And I wish you joy. And a rapturous melody.

Do You Believe in Fairies?

I hadn’t walked up Ben Ghuilean for a while, but was tempted up yesterday during some very high winds. The first trip there in January.

There is something spectacular about being blown UP a hill. And then the extra alertness experienced while walking through the hillside woods. Every creak could be a toppling tree.

I’ve never seen a tree fall though. Just a branch, once, not too far away. They do make a sound when we’re there to hear them.

And the sound they make when nobody is there, is simply down to our imaginations. If it happens inside our heads, then it definitely happened .

So, Do You Believe In Fairies?

Art

Art, of course, doesn’t arrive on demand.

Maybe sometimes it will batter its way into our consciousness, shouting through the noise and the busyness, and getting us to pay attention. But mostly that won’t happen.

Mostly we have to sit and to wait and to watch.

In humility. Underneath a tree. In a quiet place.

Or we simply need to find a way to turn off the noise inside our heads.

It’s a respect thing. And it’s also a privilege. The privilege of being given the opportunity to see the same old, same old…in a new way.

Art is, or should be, for everybody. We all need it anyway.

Forest Of Songs

A friend, Cecily Pearce, has started a songwriting challenge called Forest Of Songs. Those involved are writing a song a week for the next 10 weeks, with the idea of getting sponsorship towards planting a tree for every song that is written. I’ve jumped on board at the last minute, and haven’t got anything sorted yet for sponsorship. But it’s a lovely idea, brings some beautiful people together across bandwidth and time, and gets some brand new songs written. What could be better? Not very much I say!

Here’s the lyric and early video link (not a public one) to the first of my offerings. The idea for this song was as an introduction at a gig where nobody knows me.

Let me introduce myself to you
There is not just one of me
But two, or three, or four
Like you I do not like to be
Kept in a box
On the mantelpiece
Brought out sometimes 
For light relief
Or to do my job
Or to make the tea

There’s more to me than that
I’ve got more than that one flat cap
It’s true I do
Like being on my own
But hey, you got a party
In your home
Well please invite me do
I’ll be there
If I’m in the mood
Yeah yeah yeah

Let me introduce myself to you
I am usually known as Fee
Or Dave,  or David Fee 
Like you I sometimes seem to be
Somebody else
Other than me
A quaver short of
A melody
And maybe
That’s what’s troubling me

There’s more to me than that
I’ve got more than that one flat cap
It’s true I do
Like being on my own
But hey, you got a party
In your home
Well please invite me do
I’ll be there
If I’m in the mood
Yeah yeah yeah

So let me entertain you
With a song
I hope I do that                  
At least once and

Make you la -a a augh             
Maybe       cry y y y
Dre e e e eam
And wonder why 
That you feel the way you feel
And you do the things you do
Ooh ooh ooh

But there’s more to you than that
You don’t need me to tell you that
It’s true you do
Like singing on your own
But hey when there’s a party
In a home
We know that you’ll be there
If you’re in the mood
Yeah yeah yeah

In A State Of Flux

Apparently our skin replaces itself every 27 days.

And our opinions can change even quicker. Therefore it is inevitable that we contradict ourselves at times. Because there is every likelihood that we aren’t the same person we were the first time round we blurted out THAT opinion.

Nothing wrong with changing our minds.We’re all In A State Of Flux. And if anything is certain, it is that very thing. The solid ground we seek in our understanding and in our day to day lives is an illusion.

But like the surfer, we can ride the changing waves, as if none of that mattered.

That’s what we are already doing in fact.

Maybe we should be congratulating each other more often.

My Best Interest

Someone gave me some good news about their life yesterday.

It made me happy because I knew how much that news meant to them. I knew the work they had put in to get that good news. And I want the best for them.

I was also happy to feel that way. If you happen to be like I have been for much of my life, and I hope that in this sense you are not, I have often been more likely to be discouraged by someone else’s successes.

”Why them, not me?”. “When will THAT happen for me?”. Blah, blah, blah.

It’s a very ego-centric and sad point of view. It’s self defeating. It’s shallow. And it’s tight and withholding. I’m glad to be rid of it (most of the time at least).

The truth is that your happiness has value in itself, and if I’m happy for you, it has double the value.

Your happiness really is in My Best Interest.

And That’s Ok

These phrases have turned up in couple of my recent songs -

”It’s alright”, “that’s ok”, “is it alright?”, “is it ok?”.

They seem to be insubstantial expressions, and they are not very poetic, but they speak about reassurance. The offering of it. The seeking of it.

Like a parent to a child. Or a child to a parent.

Often, and unavoidably, the songs, the music and lyrics we write, reflect the workings of the writer’s inner life. And as the writer of the words above it’s clear to me that I’m both the parent and the child in these lyrics.

I’m both offering myself and seeking reassurance.

And this is the truth of life. We learn it as we go. It is full of uncertainties. And the path is not always clear. That is the adventure we are on. And in the midst of adventure we all need reassurance along the way.

And That’s Ok.

Build It, And They Will Come?

I’m wrestling in my head (again) with the idea of ditching social media altogether. I do like keeping contact with people I actually know. And I’m not addicted to posting all the time or checking other people’s posts. So that’s not really the issue.

The struggle is more to do with the part that these social media are supposed to play in the marketing of people like myself. People who have a creative output. That’s our market place. That’s where I’m supposed to be placing my art so that people find it. And that’s where I have been placing it, in my own haphazardly consistent sort of way.

Except that it doesn’t seem to work.

I’m not interested in creating a tidal wave of fandom or going viral, even if that were possible. But I am interested in connecting with those people who are particularly suited to hearing or reading the work I make. I am sure they exist. But I haven’t found a way of finding them in any numbers that might constitute a small, sustainable “fanbase”. The vast majority of my fans, as for many artists like me to be fair, come from friends, family, and pre-existing connections.

And I do know that there are ways of finding those potential supporters of my music and words in the digital world. It mainly involves taking out paid ads and placing them in a non-obtrusive way. And I’ve flirted with this idea, even though it goes against my more organic, and probably far too idealistic concept of Build It, And They Will Come.

So the question is - do I simply get more committed and more informed in my relationship with this modern market place? Periodically it causes me a lot of mental anxiety and stress, and I’m not sure whether that is added to by my lack of (enough) industry, consistency and specificity.

Or do I just drop the lot? Simply put up my work on my own websites (these tiny little shop fronts in a massive cybersphere) and play the songs at the infrequent gigs I get. Do I simply accept the situation and remove the stress? I honestly get a lot of joy from the creative process alone.

The truth is I haven’t got the answer. I’m leaning towards the latter at the moment, as I said. And I’m in the luxurious position of being able to make the art I want without any immediate need for financial recompense. So that aspect at least is not my struggle.

I know there are many artists like me with this dilemma, even if we all deal with it in different ways. It’s an ongoing one. Some times it’s good to put that dilemma into words.

So, thanks for listening. :-)

“Tried To Be Kind”

Jacinda Ardern has recently resigned as the Prime Minister of New Zealand. She was only in that position for five years, but has stepped aside simply because she doesn’t feel that she has enough energy left to do the job properly. She had some serious issues to deal with in this time, including of course the Covid years, and her honesty is kind of refreshing.

But I’m not usually in the habit of reporting on the comings and goings of politicians. Except for the fact that this particular mention of her leaving stood out to me - when asked how she would like New Zealanders to remember her leadership, Ardern said:

“as someone who always Tried To Be Kind”.

And all I’ve got to say is - more of that please. It’s not a cure all. But if kindness were really the guiding light for our top politicians, then we might be able to genuinely hope for better government.

No Time To Spare

No Time To Spare.

It’s a phrase that comes to my mind a fair bit.

And it seemed to be the case for today’s blog. But here we are.

It’s not Shakespeare, or Socrates, but it does answer to its description.

Got to go now.

Drip Drip Drip

Drip Drip Drip.

Drip drip drip drip drip drip drip drip drip drip drip.

There is a persistent drip.

This drip does not quit. Or hit a different note. Or sit around in silence, or make a funny joke.

This drip is like a rhyme in a line from Dr Seuss. Dropping like a pebble, not floating like a kite. Descending in the evening, and onwards through the night. And the drip keeps dripping when I watch, and when it’s out of sight.

One day it will stop, of course, but not, oh not just yet.

And it’s probably a metaphor for something.

But what that something is

I forget.

Drip drip drip.

Or Something Like That

It occurred to me that it would be helpful to have a song that introduces the listeners to the artist at a gig. At least for the below the radar performer who nobody has heard of before. A way to avoid all the awkwardness that can surround any introduction.

So I’m writing one.

Let Me Introduce Myself will be that song when it’s ready.

Just a bit of fun really. I’ll try it out when it’s done, and report back.

In the meantime…

”Hi, i’m David. I’m a Homo Sapien. That means “human” in Homo Sapien language. I have combined some words and music to form a “song”. A song is sung. I will demonstrate how this works for you now.
I hope you like it.”

Or Something Like That

Enough?

How much is “Enough”?

We come to the end of a working day and say “Enough”…it’s all Me Time now. Same thing for many people at the end of a working life.

Sometimes we simply run out of strength and energy and “Enough” forces its hand. Our bodies and our minds have limits.

And that’s just for the things we consider to be “work”. The kind of work we do as a means to an end…a way of getting to do the things we REALLY want to do. But we can get enough of those things too. Even our pleasures can begin to drag.

There isn’t a magical wand that can make anything pleasurable we do , or its opposite, last for ever. And it for these reasons that creativity, and imagination, and clear vision, and rest will always be the most important tools at our disposal.

With those resources we can turn enough of one thing into the start of something new.

Only Now

“Where have the last few days gone”.

That’s the kind of thing we say when it’s all been a blur of busyness. Or just a blur.

But, either way, they’ve gone.

We also say “Don’t dwell on the past”.

Which doesn’t stop us from building our mental time machines, travelling back in time, heading to the nearest estate agent, and trying to purchase a house that has already been sold to some other soul, to whom we are merely a ghost in the shadows of their previous lives. And maybe they aren’t even living there! Maybe they’ve build a time machine too.

I’m going somewhere with this. And hopefully that somewhere is right back to this very moment, and it’s new opportunities and the possibility of writing a new song.

I know I repeat myself. Somethings need to repeated over and over again.

There is Only Now.