Furniture Removal Van

Fitting it all in?

”We can get another something fitted into that space. I’m sure. Look, if you move that thing along there, and then put that there, I’m sure that there’s room. Just there. Look! It will fit. Honestly!”

When we moved up to Scotland twenty seven years ago we didn’t manage it. We hired a Luton Van, but the consumer age accoutrements of a family of two adults and four children couldn’t be persuaded to fit. I had to make another trip.

But life ain’t a Furniture Removal Van.

It has its constraints for sure. But it doesn’t demand that we fill it up to the gunnels. And there isn’t a bigger van available either way.

So, we can leave space. As much space as we like. Because everything we need to really live is right here with us all the time.


Discover Fee’s Music

The Groundhog Days

“Desire is simply the memory of past pleasure. Fear the memory of past pain”.

I can’t say who said it, but they said it well I think.

It’s liberating and a very profound truth if you think about it…that the root of our addictions, bad habits, neuroses and anxieties are just memories from another day.

And memories drift away. All the quicker if we look at them closely with the attention that they are demanding. Those memories aren’t asking for us to do anything. They are just memories.

What happened before will never be repeated. The Groundhog Days we live will different…even if we don’t try to make them so. We can’t ever know how they will unfold, because we can’t even know how we will respond to events. Let alone what those new events will be. And they will be new, precisely because of how we respond to them.

And so…we can let the memories vanish. And again. And the blame. And just pay attention to what is actually happening now inside the amazing universe that plays itself out on the mirror of our conscious minds.

Bird World

A Rook flew by me this morning, with something in its mouth. It was being harassed by two Herring Gulls, accompanied by two smaller Jackdaws who thought they might get something out of the fight.

Gulls are persistent in their search for an easy meal, and the Rook soon dropped the offering. I watched Alpha Gull pounce and then stand, arrogant and victorious, with the morsel, whatever it was, proudly mounted between its mandibles. Meanwhile Rook seemed to be sulking a short distance away on the railing.

But there was a twist. As the Gull got busy with its meal, with the two Jackdaws standing by waiting for any crumbs to fall from the table, the Rook flew over to the grass nearer to me.

And, while her mugger was busy, she started to eat as well. It turned out, Rook hadn’t offloaded the whole of her cache. She’d stashed something away…something that looked about the size of the Herring Gull’s meal, all for herself. Clever bird.

Bigger and brasher has its own advantages in Bird World. But, even in Bird World, having a brain and adapting to the circumstances, means that creative effort used, in this case to find a meal, doesn’t need to go to waste.

A Choo!

‘Tis the season to be sniffy
Tralalala lala A Choo!
Pass the tissues rather nifty
Tralalala lala A Choo!

I’m pretty good at not getting colds very often. But I’ve had one now for a while and I can’t shake it off. It pretends to go, and then it comes back. Like an unwanted present that you gave to someone else last year and still finds its way into your stocking again.

So now, I’m in the mood for comfort food.
Extra jumpers and lots of rest.
But with my snotty nose, and sleepy mood
I’ll probably not be at my best.

See what I mean…

A Little Bit Of Fresh Air

I’ve been in a rut for a while with my creative output.

It’s a good rut, formed by good daily and monthly habits. But when it becomes difficult to heave those cart wheels out of the well worn track, then perhaps the indents have become a little too deep.

I’m not going to change the good habits. I’m just going to try and be a bit more focussed and creative in how I frame and present my work. It will involve adding a few new habits to the routine.

The important thing is that I don’t get TOO comfortable. There is a fine line between comfort and stagnation. But I also don’t want to add unnecessary burdens that I can’t carry for long. I want to keep things simple. And continue to enjoy what I do.

When all is said and done though, A Little Bit Of Fresh Air is always welcome, at any time of year.

It’s Not Gonna Change The World

Hi. Below is the lyric to a song that I started last night and finished this morning. It was inspired by watching a nature programme about the Caribbean. In it there was a simple scene where a gentle man was releasing four parrots he had rescued back into the wild. These particular parrots were threatened by the pet industry. As he released them he said very humbly - “It’s not gonna change the world”.

It’s Not Gonna Change The World
I heard somebody say
What I do today
It’s not gonna change the world

It’s not gonna change the world
When I hold your hand
I hope you understand
It’s not gonna change the world

So go ahead and take me for me granted, he said
But these little seeds I have planted
Are gonna grow
They’re gonna grow
 
Towards the light
And life will live on
You can’t stop it’s power (whoever you are)
You can’t stop the song
Don’t give up the fight (little angels)
Though the fight be long
And it’s hard to know
Right from wrong

It’s not gonna change the world
I heard somebody cry
Well I can’t lie
It’s not gonna change the world

It’s not gonna change the world
When I call you friend
And our hearts do mend
It’s not gonna change the world

So go ahead and take me for me granted
But these little seeds I have planted
Are gonna grow
They’re gonna grow
 
Towards the light
And life will live on
You can’t stop it’s power (whoever you are)
You can’t stop the song
Don’t give up the fight (little angels)
Though the fight be long     
And it’s hard to know
Right from wrong

And the monsters that we fear
Have feet of clay
However they appear to you
They too, they too my friend
Will have their day
So today there is something we must do

And it’s not gonna change the world
When your smile shines
And you walk the line
It’s not gonna change the world

It’s not gonna change the world
When you’re kind, you see
But it changes me

Words Are Potent

My apologies for a two day absence. Laid low by some unseen virus, and needing rest. But if I’m gone, I’ll be back. At least until I’m not.

The words we use to communicate are potent. But they don’t always carry the meaning we intended. Even when we’ve spoken them, or written them, as well as we can and with a pure heart, they can be misunderstood. And how often do we even manage that?

Perhaps we were mistaken to write them and should have spoken them, for instance, bringing humanity and presence and eye contact to the occasion. Or maybe we needed a little distance and should have written them at a time when our heart was calmer and our head clearer.

Words Are Potent. Especially when strong emotions or any sense of confusion is present, we are wise to -

-Take our time.
-Be slow to speak, or to write. And to decide carefully which kind of medium we choose
- Perhaps we simply need to be quiet. Or in other words…
- Shut up.

The world can live without our words, our noise, for a while. And sometimes it will be a better place as a result. There is no rush.

Friendly Face

I don’t often go to the pub these days except when I’m away with friends. But yesterday I went for a pint and a whisky in the “Farmers Bar” of a local hotel. It’s usually quiet there…the farmers are too busy I suspect…and I wanted a bit of time to reflect on things.

The only people in there were an old lady and a man, also not young, who turned out to be her son. The man I had seen regularly on the streets nearby our house, and had got in the habit of saying hello to, even though the response always seemed gruff. He hadn’t got a very Friendly Face to my mind.

But appearances, as they say, can be misleading. The time for reflection went out the window, as I had a lovely chat with him and his mother. They came across as very kind hearted people and the man with the unfriendly face turned out to have a name, like everybody else.

And he is, it turns out, really quite friendly.

Build Resilience

I’ve got something difficult to do today. It involves trying to reboot two relationships that have deteriorated over the last few months. It’s scary because I know that those people think I have done something wrong. And I have no real grasp of what that wrong might be. As a result I feel hurt, because of their perceived rejection of me.

This sort of “difficult” has the habit of becoming more difficult the longer it swishes around in our heads. The longer we don’t talk about it. In fact it’s come to a head in my own mind over the last few days. Which is why today I’m going to try and do something about it.

I am letting go of my own sense of grievance. The hurt and the anger. Then I’m having to let go of the story I tell myself of “here, we go again another rejection on the way”.

And I am rebuilding with -

First, the love that I have for these people. It hasn’t felt like love for a while, but it hasn’t gone away. That’s where the hurt came from of course. But I want them to be in a good place. This must be hurting them too. Our relationship was good, and it can be good again. Perhaps even better as a result of coming through some difficult times.

Secondly, by changing the story I tell myself that turns my expectations into a kind of victim mentality. The person who will always be the one having to say sorry. The person who has to carry the pain. It’s quite a sad, and self pitying story that one. No need for it.

I’d rather look to the future now, and see myself as someone who has always tried, and always will, to grow in a positive and life enhancing way, though inevitably making many mistakes along the way. Someone who cares about the people in his life. Someone who isn’t, and shouldn’t be, defined by how other people, even those close to me, see me. Or even how I see myself.

Because finally, this simple truth - yesterday is history, and tomorrow hasn’t arrived. There is, and always will be, only this moment. This is the entirety of my experience right now, and who I am here is just fine.

This is all part of my journey to Build Resilience. I hope this “heart on sleeve” blogging might contain something that helps you along the way as well.

Fake It Till You Take It

Taking our own advice?

We’d like to think that when we give it, we take it.

But who would want to take advice from us? Especially us!

In my experience, any wisdom that occasionally comes out of my mouth or taps forth, like alien morse code, from my keyboard, appears well ahead, sometimes years, of any subsequent transformation into constructive action or changed behaviour.

So, behold today’s words of wisdom…

…Fake It Till You Take It.

ps. And here is my Fee Come’s Fourth release for this month. A seasonal tune about an angel who ignored my advice to “do it now” and instead put things on hold until a more opportune Christmas -Maybe Next Year.

The Snowman

The Snowman was brilliant white
As pure as the purest snow
But he went and drank himself silly one night
And next morning his feet were
Yellow

I’ll get my coat…

….and my mittens, and my scarf. And a sledge.

Let It Snow

Let it snow, let it snow, Let It Snow.

Away to see the grand weans, as we won’t be able to at Christmas. And, yes, here in Falkirk the gods have smiled on us and, shortly we will be able to witness the pure joy that a downfall of white fluffy flakes from the sky, brings to the children.

And to us too. Something about it I. Perhaps not so much if you live in Antartica I imagine. But when it is not a constant experience, a white blanket of snow makes it feel as though magic is possible.

We all need a little bit of magic.

And now….snowmen, snow angels, snowball fights and screams of delight are imminent. Wish me luck!

Kissing The Earth

Sadly there was a dead otter at the place where I walk to this morning. It looked like it had been crushed by a car on the nearby road. It must have been a shock to the driver, who clearly got out and moved it to the spot on the grass where it lay.

On getting back I read this quote:

”Walk as if you were Kissing The Earth with your feet”.

A reminder to take care. That we are clumsy humans, and we can damage, whether intentionally, accidentally, or without due care, the world we live in, and it’s occupants. Including people we love, and ourselves.

A reminder to be as aware and awake as possible.

A reminder that this earth, this short life, is a privilege.

Walking And Talking

I wasn’t just walking today. I was Walking And Talking. My son Michael was with me on my morning wander.

it’s nice to have him over from Malaga which, as you probably know, is in the year round pleasantness of the Costa Del Sol. He made a tongue in cheek comment as we headed in a vaguely easterly direction, on this sunny Campeltown morning.

”I’m looking at that big shining, sphere, in the sky. It seems like it should be hot… so why am I feeling so cold”.

Walking and talking, it goes without saying, is a different experience to walking alone. Of course it is possible to just walk together, sharing the time and the experience. That can be a powerful thing. Communication is more than mere words.

But, hey, we haven’t seen each other for a while. So we talked.

That often causes us to focus upon each other, and our worlds away from the place that we are actually walking through, even if the environment can be part of the conversation.

Somehow the walking adds something to the talking though. It helps to stimulate and activate. It’s pleasant and healthy to be moving. The conversation, like the open spaces we walk through, is perhaps wider ranging and more interesting than ones that happen confined to the four walls of a room.

I could be imagining that. But regardless, walking and talking is great. Perhaps more of our socialising should be done in this way.

Even in zero degrees Campbeltown.

The Telescope And The Microscope

When we zoom out, and look at it all from a big enough distance in time and space, everything looks small. Tiny. Miniscule.

Our own small lives, from a distance, don’t look any different from those of the most influential people and events on the planet, either now, or through the whole of history. It all looks insignificant.

But if we zoom in close enough everything, absolutely everything, matters. It all impacts something. There are no exceptions.

We need both those perspectives. One to keep us humble and liberate us. And the other to motivate us to take responsibility, and to find meaning in our lives.

It’s always useful to have both The Telescope And The Microscope to hand. Hard, sometimes, to know which one we should be looking through right now though.

And perhaps, sometimes, those of us who are constantly trying to “make sense of it all” need to put them both down.

Sometimes this is enough.

A Place Where Neverland Never Was

I’m happy to be a skeptic. Not easily convinced. Not just believing something because somebody, however eloquent or passionate they may be, tells me it is true.

That is a place many of us come to as adults. We should. It’s a kind of growing up that occurs when we first discover that Santa isn’t real. (I’m so sorry if you had to hear it here for the first time!).

For some people this “growing up” is a sad thing. But we really can’t live in Neverland for ever, even if we should undoubtedly take a child like spirit of adventure, excitement and curiosity into the whole of our adult lives. That doesn’t need to die.

So yeah, skepticism is good.

Cynicism, on the other hand, is a different kettle of spiny fish. On the surface, very similar to skepticism, in reality it is place where even the memories of Captain Hook, Tinkerbell, Rudolph and Father Christmas have faded away. The candle has almost gone out. A Place Where Neverland Never Was. A kindred spirit with Bitter Man.

There is, though, an antidote to the cynicism of the cynic in ourselves and others. It is a patient kindness and a compassionate empathy for the child that might still be in there, fighting to get out and stop Mr Skeptic from “growing up” too much.

Spending time, giving space, observing, playing with, talking to Real Children, is perhaps the best way to cultivate this antidote.

A Big Piece Of Rock

This morning after taking my usual walk along to The Field Of Hope I turned back in the direction of town. Right in front of me, hanging luminous over Campbeltown was a full and extravagant moon, shining bright even as the day began, lit up by the sun creeping up over Davaar Island, now behind me.

The moon is just A Big Piece Of Rock with no life upon it. A chunk that broke off from the larger piece that formed our own Earth billions of years ago. Yet it inspires awe. It governs the tides of our oceans. It acts as a muse for the humble songwriter. It can even give rise to hope.

It brings light to a dark night.

And, in this case, to a cold November morning.

If an inanimate piece of rock can do all of that, then perhaps we shouldn’t focus so much on our own limitations.

Love Has Boundaries

Good boundaries are hard to build. I’m speaking about in our personal lives, but what applies there certainly applies in the big, wide world.

A boundary can be so good it keeps everything out. Everyone. But a boundary that good is suffocating. Because everything and everyone needs to breathe. Otherwise it can’t really be called Life.

But a boundary that lets everything in ain’t a boundary. Or if it lets too much in, it ain’t an effective boundary.

And this is all so important, because everything that matters to us is dependent upon building effective boundaries. Our relationships with each other and in the world. Sometime our own personal sanity, and even our individual and collective survival.

I’ve alway been on the “too welcoming” side of boundary building. I don’t find conflict easy, and historically I haven’t found it easy to say no. This isn’t healthy. It often leads to one kind of collapse or another, in the long run.

Dealing with the boundary issues early on in the process of building anything saves a whole heap of trouble later on. But once the trouble happens, the boundary issues still need to be dealt with.

The truth is Love Has Boundaries.

Comfort Zone

Capo The Shark is lying on my desk.

He’s sulking.I was supposed to take him with me to The Gather last night. But I forgot.

Capo doesn’t get out very often. He’s got sharp teeth, but they don’t get used as much as he’d like. It might have been his chance to shine….well to bite down on the neck of my guitar anyway, and help me shine. Perhaps.

Actually, it turned out that his absence turned into an excuse. For me. There was a wee jam at the end with two fiddles, a bodhran, and….well…no guitar. My guitar was tuned down. I could have tuned it up, but “hey, they’re playing already…I’ll just watch”.

Truth is “jamming” is outside my Comfort Zone. I didn’t come to music by playing with other people, as many, if not most musicians do. I honestly find it very difficult.

But it’s not that I couldn’t. It’s really a case of me learning a few simple bits of guitar theory, and getting on with it. I’ve got the chops really.

My apologies to Capo The Shark. Not just for leaving him behind, but for using him as a cop out.

The Dark Streets

Many years ago I wrote a song called Potatoman, one of my earliest songs, which somehow became locally popular, among some young fellas mainly, and made me feel like a bit of a celeb when I occasionally heard the call “hey, Potatoman” in the streets of Campbeltown.

Occasionally, I hasten to repeat.

Anyway, the song contains super heroes, which always go down well I find. But mainly it was a kind of prayer. The key line being “Please don’t let me end up a bitter man”.

I had become aware at the time of how easy it would be, in my own life, to walk down The Dark Streets of bitterness, and never come back.

I haven’t been called Potatoman for a long time, but still occasionally I find myself poking my head into one of those streets again. They seem to offer the opportunity for vindication, “just” reprisals, and the weird satisfaction of being the martyr.

In reality they are just a bad place to be. They bring suffering, and only suffering, and only to the bitter man, or woman, themselves.

The prayer still stands.