So What Changed?

What happens when no one is watching?
Does it change when someone is watching?
Would it change again if ten thousand people were watching?

Most of us would acknowledge that the answer to the last two questions is yes.

Many of us would like those answers to be no. We would like to be the same person in each situation.

But the truth is that we always are the same person.

So What Changed?

Discover Fee’s Change

Feet Tunes!

Yesterday I promised you a funny summary of my music website as provided by a new AI search engine called Perplexity.

I’ve managed to lose the original text it provided. And when I tried to repeat the search, it came up with something far more sensible and appropriate.

I wish I could have shared the exact words with you, but the shorter gist of what it originally said was this:

”feetunes.com is a website featuring musical audio made for people who have a foot fetish”.

Feet Tunes! Anyway it cracked me up, and I am now very tempted to write a song that feetures feet. Or fetishes. Or footishes.

What do you know? It seems I could have finally found my niche.


Discover Fee’s Niches Being Discovered

Perplexity

I was introduced to an AI version of a search engine called Perplexity. It does interesting things like providing, very quickly, an excellent suggestion list for a seven day trip to Kintyre. I asked for that, so that I could vouch for it’s usefulness. I also asked for the very impressive summary of this Homesong website you can read below, which it provided pretty much immediately.

So far so good. But come back tomorrow for the truly hilarious response I got when I asked for a similar summary of my own music website. In other words, reserve judgement for now.

Perplexity Describes This Website

Homesong is a grassroots initiative based in Campbeltown, Kintyre, Scotland that aims to promote small music gigs and artistic events in people's homes[1]. The concept revolves around "HomeSong" gigs, which are intimate performances where artists showcase their creativity in someone's living room to an invited audience[1].

Key aspects of Homesong include:

1. Connecting local artists with attentive audiences in a home setting

2. Encouraging community engagement and fostering friendships

3. Providing a platform for original music and creativity

4. Offering financial support to artists through audience donations

Homesong invites people to get involved by hosting gigs, performing, or simply being part of the audience[1]. The organization also hosted nearly 300 online gigs during the COVID-19 pandemic, featuring mainly original material from about 50 artists[1].

For those interested in hosting a Homesong gig, the website provides a 10-step guide, including tips on inviting artists, setting up the space, and managing the event[2]. Homesong emphasizes the community-building aspect of these gatherings and encourages hosts to create a welcoming environment for both artists and attendees[2].


Discover Fee Summarising Homesong

Nothing For Money

Money For Nothing said the fella shifting the colour TVs while watching all the rich Singer/Songwriters on the screens he was shifting.

Times have changed.

The update of that song will be called “Nothing For Money”.

And the roles will also be reversed to a large extent.


Discover Fee Keeping His Soul Purified From The Filthy Lucre

First Unlock The Passion

For a football fan, there is a lot to be admired in a football match where the technique on display is at a high level. But often a match full of passion (and inevitable mistakes) is more exciting and life enhancing to watch.

Put both the technique and the passion together, and we have a recipe made in heaven.

This holds true for anything we do.

But First Unlock The Passion.


Discover Fee Putting Passion Before Technique

The Import Ant

He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders
The Import Ant
Just as well he’s strong as a buffalo
In his Superman Pants.

But he doesn’t always know what he’s doing
Or where he should be quite, right now
Indecision advances like kryptonite.
He feverishly mops his brow.

Now Import Ant
Is in a trance!
Is it that? Or the other? Is it here? Is it there?
He’s aware of some circular dance.
Like a whirling dervish
He spins through the air

Till he finally lands

On all six hands

And
Discovers that
”Important”

Is simply

The next package he has to deliver.


Discover Fee Delivering A Song Anyway

Surprise

Surprise. You weren’t expecting that, I’m sure. But there you go. Nor was I.

And how do we keep it all fresh?

It helps to realise that I really don’t know what’s coming, even when travelling down the most familiar, habitual and predictable of paths.


Discover Fee Surprised By A Lack Of Hot Water

It Makes Me Smile

Here’s the lyric of my latest song.

Where is it?
I put it somewhere out there
For the universe
And everyone to see

Where is it?
I’ve lost it and now I’m lonely
If I could only
Let it be

Then you walk by
With something in your hand.
You said
”I think this is yours
But if you don’t mind
I’d like to keep it for a while, coz
            
It Makes Me Smile
It makes me smile
It makes me smile
It makes me smile”

You found it
I put it somewhere out there
For the universe and everyone to see
You found it
Thank you for telling me
No you weren’t selling me
Any lies

So walk on by
Without a scowl or a frown,
I said.
It’s yours now,
As much as it’s mine.
I’d like you to keep it
Coz you really suit it
Yes you’ve found my smile 
You wear it with style and

It makes me smile
It makes me smile
It makes me smile
It makes me smile

Here’s my smile
Pass it on 
Pass it on
Here’s my smile
Pass it on 
Pass it on 
It makes me smile
It makes me smile
It makes me smile
It makes me smile
Here’s my smile
Pass it on 
Pass it on

Discover Fee When It Ends In Tears

Pocahontas

“Ambition is the fire we dream of building in order to keep ourselves warm.

The fire we build for ourselves can keep others warm too.

But first we have to go and find some dry sticks on a wet day”.

In the words of Pocahontas, possibly.

Discover Fee Doing The Exact Opposite

My Blindspot

I am blind
To My Blindspot
I just can’t see it.
But it’s there
Out of view
All the time.
And my blindspot
Doesn’t mind
It likes to stay hidden.
That’s why it
Tends to stay
Blind.

Hey you there
Can you see
My blindspot?
Or if not
Could you help me find
It’s exact location
With your clearer vision?
It’s somewhere
Nearby
All the time.

You see
Though, I’m not blind
I do have a blind spot
I hope you don’t find it
A pain.
You’d be showing me
Kindness
By pointing it out.
So that I can
See clearly
Again.


Discover Fee Fogging Up

It’s Just A Question

I’m excited about the Euro’s, which begin today. It’s a football tournament (also known as soccer, he says through gritted teeth) in case you are happily ignorant about such matters.

Yes. I’m excited about watching, on a television screen, men, many miles away, kicking a ball about. My foster son mocked me about that this morning, in the same way I tease him about actually “building” things on his computer Minecraft game.

But why is anything we value or enjoy doing, or watching, more important than something else?

Because if we are capable of finding joy in these objectively strange pastimes, perhaps we can also learn to find joy in the various activities that we see as a mere means to an end. Such as repeated physical exercise, or guitar practise, or chopping vegetables for dinner, or mowing the lawn, or…well, you get the drift.

After all, why, in all honesty, throw away any time at all in our lives upon activities we don’t enjoy?

Or, in other words, can we learn to enjoy everything?

It’s Just A Question. (To myself mainly, as always)

Discover Fee Enjoying Life

Amy Amoeba

Eric’s Dad told him, and I’m telling you.

Back when the first very basic life forms evolved, little Amy Amoeba only did one of two things. She either:

Moved away from The Bad Thing
(The thing that made her sad or frowny)

Or she moved towards The Good Thing
(The thing that put a big fat smile on her little amoebic face)

To be fair, life is much more complex and nuanced in the twenty first century.

But still. We wouldn’t go far wrong by following Amy’s example.



Discover Fee Singing About Ancient Life Forms

Superpower

”Yesterday is history, sometimes I’ve been fool

now it’s time to…..begin again”.

Beginning again is the greatest Superpower of all.

Discover Fee Cleaning Out The Shed

The Zebras Graze Peacefully In The Serengeti

The Zebras Graze Peacefully In The Serengeti. Then a pride of lions attack and they flee for the lives. Perhaps one is caught. Perhaps not. But immediately after the lions have won, or given up, the Zebras immediately go back to grazing peacefully in the Serengeti.

We are not like zebras!

We are intelligent! We have an imagination! We are humans!

So, unlike the zebras, we spend our lives getting anxious about our own non-life threatening version of “lion attacks”. For days, weeks, months, and years. And, on the very rare occasions our fears materialise into reality, we spend our time reliving the horror over and over in our heads. For days, weeks, months, and years.

The Zebras must think we’re nuts.


Discover Fee Riding White Horses (But Not In The Serengeti)

Half Way Through

It comes around quicker every year.

In this case I’m speaking about the Kintyre Songwriters Festival. I’m playing tonight after a week of Mild Man Flu. Not completely over but I’m OK. And I’m looking forward to it. Not feeling nervous either, which is a new experience in itself.

But yeah, it’s clearly not coming around “quicker every year”.

That is a good old figure of speech referring, self referentially, to that sense of….well, being closer to the grave than I was when I was young, and death seemed such a long way off.

I’m writing all this with a smile on my face. I joke to my boys (inside I’m deadly serious!) that I won’t be leaving this mortal coil until I’m One Hundred and Eighteen. As I’ve just turned Fifty Nine, I’m actually only Half Way Through. Excellent! I’ve got the same amount of time left that I’ve just had, but with all those years of experience behind me.

Right … just gotta keep the ageing body on track and we’re good to go. LOL.


Discover Fee Trying To Stay Fit

Keeping Going

This phrase stuck out from somebody else’s blog: “keeping going is a priceless gift”.

And there is no denying it. When you stop, you’ve stopped. And, yes, you can start again. But we all know how hard it is to get the momentum back.

Where we’re `”keeping going” to is not even the question really. And I’m well aware that the meme “it’s the journey not the destination” can get wearisome. But it gets wearisome precisely because we place heavy expectations on the outcome.

It really can become a joy though, if we are able to see that mere act of Keeping Going as the gift.

“Blimey, I’m alive and I’m moving….(insert the appropriate expletive of your choice here)!!!!”


Discover Fee On The Road To Fun

What Do I Know?

What Do I Know?

Very little in the grand scheme of things.

What do I know about what you should know?

Even less than very little. Nothing, in fact.

That might be a good thing to know. For both of us.


Discover Fee Discovering Silence

A Road Less Travelled

I’ve been for the last official goodbye to my Dad. Down in his home town of Newark for a memorial service. Below are my final thoughts, the ones I shared at his cremation.

When Dad lived in Newark and would come to visit us in Campbeltown he loved the  440 odd mile drive up here to see us. And he used to have his own way of getting here, often avoiding motorways and taking smaller roads in the general direction of The North West. After crossing the Scottish border at Gretna he would always come off the M74 and drive on the B7076 which, along with other B roads, follows the motorway most of the way to Glasgow.

Last week, with Ineke, we were driving home ourselves, from Manchester, and on the way I decided I was going to follow in Dad’s footsteps so to speak. We left the motorway at Gretna and took his journey on a lovely,  quiet road for about 70 miles. I’m glad we did it. I think we’ll be doing it again in the future.

It was a nice way for me to make a connection with Dad. That was something I had always struggled to do. I was very different from him, and he probably struggled just as much connecting with me, especially after I lost my faith. I know that was a disappointment to him. But I like to think that he respected the fact that I was not just believing something out of a sense of obligation, but that I was genuinely trying to find the truth as it made sense to me. Whether that is the case or not, I know that the one thing we had in common, if nothing else, was an inclination to follow that road less travelled.

Dad, as you know, trained as an accountant. And to be honest, there was nobody more cut out to be an accountant than Dad. If you asked him, in later years, for memories and anecdotes from his childhood, you would struggle to get anything. On the other hand, he could still remember the telephone number of the neighbour who lived next door to them at Parkdale Road in Nottingham when he was boy.

Dad and Numbers went together like peas in a pod.

And yet….partly because of his faith, and partly i suspect because he married Mum, and maybe  also because he himself had a hidden anarchic streak, he ended up doing things and being things that were almost at odds with what appeared to be his fundamental character.

I suspect his adult life must have been a challenge to him in ways that we didn’t always appreciate, and though we, of course, weren’t privy to all the decision making that went on, I do think, in retrospect, that it was an unusual life journey for somebody like Dad to take.

Firstly, he left a potentially long, lucrative and secure career in accounting to go to Bible College. Doing things like singing and preaching in the streets of Birmingham. Afterwards moving in with another family for a while near Wolverhampton. Then to suburbia in Toton, Nottingham where he became a lay preacher in the Methodist church and  returned to accountancy in a self employed capacity. He was always a generous man, and I’m pretty sure many of his clients then were people who couldn’t afford a more  usual accountant.

In Toton people came and lived in our house with us at times. We got a car, a Ford Corsair, which my Uncle Peter, as well as fixing the engine, painted bright Dulux green on each cigar shaped side, and splatted with a big “Hallelujah” sticker on the front bonnet. There weren’t many of those kind of cars in Toton. Just the one in fact. And, again, my Dad would have been the last person you would have thought to be its owner.

And later still he became a full time minister. This time in, of all things, a Pentecostal church. I say “of all things” for the very same reasons. Our formal and proper father didn’t seem the obvious choice for a church denomination where they notoriously swing from the chandeliers. Never the less, Dad took that step too.

And he learnt to swing in his own way.

For most of his later years, Dad worked for the pentecostal Assemblies of God denomination as their accountant. That might have been a case of all his passions coming together. During that time he lived and worked in Newark. He retired while he was there. And then, quite soon, he had to take care, for a number of years, and with very great dedication and love, of our Mum, while she had dementia.

Finally, Dad himself became in need of more care. And he came to live with us in Campbeltown, with my sister and her family close by as well, who provided so much help.

In his 8 months living here he settled in well and became a known face in Campbeltown, and a part of his new community. I’m personally so glad he was here for these final few months, and that the end didn’t come when he was alone in his old house with all of us miles away. And, in reflection, I’m glad for his sake, that after he went through the trauma of breaking his hip, and the long day of procedures and travel to Glasgow, that the end, in the end, was quick.

In our last conversation together on Saturday morning four weeks ago, he made a joke about me missing his mouth when I tried to give him a drink of water before he went down for the surgery.

And that was it. Two hours later I got the news, and I was spending my final half hour alone in his company. It was good to have a phone call with my sister Julie, allowing us to share those initial painful moments of shock and grief.

I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who has loved and supported Dad over the years, and to those who have expressed their gratitude for being loved and supported by Dad.

And thank you for loving and supporting us now.

Life is a wonderful and special privilege and our Dad definitely spent his life on A Road Less Travelled.

I plan to carry on, carrying on that tradition.

Discover Fee’s Journey To The End Of The Earth

“Ooh, Look, A Squirrel”

The past can bury little grenades of anger into our psyche.

The blunt way to deal with them, when they turn up in our conscious minds, is to pull the pin and kick out at something. Like a wall. Or someone. Whom we love. Clearly this is not a good solution. Far more likely to lead to more problems and more anger. Broken toes and damaged hearts.

Of course, there are a lot of alternative punch bags that let us get things out of the system in a healthier way. But sometimes no alternative punch bags are available. And perhaps the healthiest solution is to recognise those “grenades” for what they really are:

A few neurons in our brain clicking together for a moment in time. If we wait, and usually not for very long at all, those neurons will move onto clicking together to remind us of something else entirely. Possibly something very trivial.

"Ooh, Look, A Squirrel”.

Which is just another way of saying that things happening inside our minds (and absolutely everything we experience is happening there) will move on.


Discover Fee’s Wounded Soldier

Being There

I’m searching for video evidence that I can play live. It’s for a possible opportunity to get some gigs.

But even when I find some decent footage, I don’t believe that any video evidence can ever quite capture the sense of being there. For me, or any other performer. Nor for any audience member.

Live is live. It can’t really be anything else but Being There.

Discover Fee’s Best Live Performance Ever

(but you really had to be there)